A story of a Furry Friend.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Sanya. When she was 11, she met her best friend, Angel. Angel went by many names, all of them crowned to her with love, and only love: Anna, Annu, Anda, and at least a dozen more. This is their story. 

Tell me a bit about Angel. 

“It… feels inexplicable to find words for how I feel about Angel. I feel like I don’t even remember our experiences together.”

(There is another long pause. Finding words to explain both love and loss are Herculean tasks. But even our silence seems emotional, a mix of nostalgia, sadness and apprehension)

How about this, how did Angel come into your life?

“When I was a kid, around 11 or so, my Mama had an adorable Shih Tzu named Pluto. And I absolutely loved when he got Pluto over; I spent most of my time with him (maybe more than I did with my Mama, but hey, Pluto really was cute). I think my mom could sense how much I enjoyed my time with him. She must have realised the comfort I found with dogs, even before I realized it myself. And that’s how Angel came into my life… And I can’t imagine my childhood and young adult life without her.”

But once the words start flowing, they flow with ease; like a river dancing down a hill)

“I’m not sure when or how we got so close – I don’t think 11-year-olds interact with dogs with the purpose of deepening their connection.” (We both chuckle) “But Angel really lived up to her name – it was like she wore a halo. She was my best friend, protector, confidant, and my closest family. At times when I felt disconnected and distant from my human family, Angel was always there for me. As tiny as she was, I feel like she always protected me in her own ways. I… honestly think she saw me, the real me, even before I did. She believed in me when I didn’t know how to. I don’t think I can even fully explain it; we had a sort of mystical, special relationship on some soul realm.”

जिस्म ये क्या है खोखली सीपी

रूह दा मोती है तू

Amitabh Bhattacharya  

“She got really weak when I was in London for my Masters. She refused to eat. We knew what was going to happen. I preponed my flight and jumped into the logistical part of this experience – a funeral, hospitals, burial, my family. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to see her alive one last time. But you know what? In her own way, it felt like she was still looking out for me, even in death: she passed away two days after I landed. Till the end, I believe she cared for me, and I cared for her more than she could ever imagine… I remember just holding her body for half an hour. I guess I wanted her to know how much she means to me.” 

“After she passed away, I threw myself into the logistical and ritualistic aspects of mourning more than the emotional. But the emotions did catch up with more after a month. I cried and cried… I read Tuesday’s with Morrie soon after, and I feel like it saw straight into my heart.”

Death ends a life, not a relationship

“Now that I’m talking about it, I realise the lengths you go to for those you love, you know? I absolutely hate insects, but I would remove her tics without a second thought; I don’t know where the bravery came from – I think it was for Angel. But that’s love, I guess.”

How do you honour her memory?

“I actually held a memorial party for her, sort of celebrating her life and legacy with my friends. I tried to make her tombstone special, just like her, with paws and a halo… Like I said, I think our souls were connected; sometimes I look at the moon and wonder when we’ll meet again.”

और आसमाँ में जो तारे हैं

तू वैसे मेरे दिल में सजा है

ये तारे जो अब टूटें तो

इन ख़्वाहिशों में तू ही रहा है

Anuv Jain

(We’re both therapists, so naturally the discussion also moved towards grief work in therapy and, more than that, Sanya trying to understand her own grief.)

Sanya: “Sometimes I really wonder what you’re supposed to do with grief when you’ve talked about it”

Sanjana: “Maybe you’re not really supposed to do anything. You hold a lot of space, silence, tears, anger. And remind yourself that below all of this is a lot of love and gratitude.”

“I think really allowing myself to experience and express my emotions and grief has helped me be more connected to Angel and myself. Death is inevitable; grief in it’s many forms is also inevitable but I want to feel these distressing emotions if that means there will be a string connecting the both of us.”