A story of Seeking Help
Isha's story

From the other side of the couch: Postcards from a year in therapy

Isha’s story of therapy, hope and self discovery 

Three therapists hop on a call. And what happens next is exactly what you would expect: we talk about therapy. 

“Being a psychology student, I was always open and accepting to the idea of therapy; but it’s very different when you’re the one finally deciding to go to therapy. It took me a couple of tries to find the right therapist; it was a disappointing start to be honest. My second experience left me feeling especially hopeless—not just for myself but for the state of mental health care in India. It felt like everything was decided by the therapist, with little focus on why I was there. There was a sense of rigidity, tunnel vision for diagnosis and assessments, even though I never asked for one. It was almost interrogative? The MSE process overshadowed the humanness of the therapy.

They didn’t make me feel like a person with autonomy.”

“My identity as a psychology student—and later as a psychologist—kept surfacing in my past therapy experiences. There was an added burden of understanding myself, as a psychologist. It was eclipsing my client self somewhere. I was expected to know myself better, I was expected to BE a therapist in my own therapy sessions. And this expectation wasn’t just external; I started to believe I need to know everything beforehand – skills, theories, insights.”

But my long-term psychologist never made me feel like this. I wasn’t a psychologist in these sessions – 

I was a person first, then, somewhere a psychologist.

This acceptance also helped me learn from them, and my own experience. Somewhere how we experience help also shapes how we help others, right?”

“Somewhere I had started pathologising myself, you know? Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? Unlike my past experience, my next therapist really valued the words they used. Their words were selected with careful consideration, not in extremes, not rushed, not in a way that blamed me for everything. My year with them helped me understand myself better: maybe the problem is not ME – it’s my reactions, and behaviour patterns. This felt like an epiphany: there’s a difference between me and the ways I react. Now I can recognise my patterns or thoughts and catch them before they cloud my mind.”

As they say, the problem is the problem, you’re not the problem. 

We can notice a relaxation in Isha’s body language while she talks about her long term therapist she spent a year with. There’s a sense of ease, as opposed to her dialogue of her previous therapy experiences. 

“After a year of therapy, I can see so many changes in myself. When I was in school, I learnt to internalise every little critical or negative feedback and experience. While my experiences in college were drastically different, I’m once again in such a negative environment. But now? I can handle such situations in a much better way. I’ve gained confidence after a lot of therapy work. This is something I had always struggled with, confidence… But this year has really helped me and I can see this progress in how I react to and handle situations. 

I’m confident I can do this: this is now my response, in stark contrast to how I used to react

This confidence is also evident in one of the songs Isha associated with her therapy journey:

हम तो भाई जैसे हैं, वैसे रहेंगे

अब कोई खुश हो या हो खफ़ा

हम नहीं बदलेंगे अपनी अदा

I’m learning to take risks and live in the moment, instead of a state of constant anxiety. I can finally… be. Be in the present. And I have therapy to thank for this.” 

Sanjana, the interviewer and Sanya jump in at this point, and take a moment to appreciate Isha’s effort, work, accountability and strength in this process of growth; in addition to her therapy journey. 

“Honestly, not just in my personal life. My different therapy experiences have also shaped my growth as a psychologist. I know the realities of therapy – I learn everything but carefully choose what I want to take forward in my own practice – how do I want to work?”

“But the real work also begins and continues once you terminate therapy. I had reached a point where I could predict areas where I would feel stuck, but I also had enough confidence. I’m still working and learning, therapy never really stops. You carry all of the therapeutic experiences and forge your way forward, DIY-ing your life, with the knowledge that the therapy space is there for you if you need it.”

What’s something you would like to tell people considering therapy, or people in the process of finding the right therapist?

“Be open to what therapy can be, you know? We have a lot of pre conceived notions about what therapy should look like, from conversations, social media, movies. But therapy is so unique, you know? Each therapist and client works differently. So be open, but have some ideas about what you as a client want out of this process. Try to strike a balance between the two, I know it can be confusing.”

“Also, don’t be afraid to say no. If something feels off, or too uncomfortable – just say no, let the therapist know what you think. It’s YOUR space, it should be about what you bring, not what the therapist decides.”

At the end of the day, you’re the expert of your life. 

Finding the therapist that’s right for you takes a couple of tries, but I honestly hope you don’t lose hope. Finally finding the right fit and starting the work feels like a life changing experience.