A story of Be-Friending Yourself.

Dodo’s story of the friendship that faded away

As kids, we’re taught that friendships are everything. But growing up shows us they’re more complicated than we imagined.

This is Dodo’s story: from instant connection to going through the highs and lows of a close relationship, and navigating the end of a friendship she thought would last forever.

Dodo met Heer (name changed for privacy) during first year of college and it was friendship at first sight: they spent all their free time together, talked for hours, shared anything and everything with each other, no matter how big or small: they were inseparable.
“Life was beautiful”
But as young college students grew up, their friendship took a toll too.

As Dodo and Heer moved towards their respective cities and careers, a crack began to appear in their rock solid friendship. Their lives shifted, and so did Heer’s feelings towards Dodo. Jealousy kicked in because of Dodo’s new relationship, a distance was felt, support was withdrawn, understanding between friends was forgotten. Coming face to face with the idea of your best friend losing interest in you, and the bond you have, is mortifying to us all.

The friend Dodo treated like her own sister, to her confusion and betrayal, began to act like an acquaintance who barely knew her. When Dodo’s grandfather passed away, her life momentarily came crashing down. She counted on her closest friend for support, but sometimes our counting can be off:
“A friend of ours was getting married in the same city that my Nana lived in. I asked Heer to come meet me – I was a mess during his funeral and last rites. But she didn’t. She only cared about the wedding. I can’t explain how betrayed and disappointed I was. And to imagine she had met my Nanu a little while ago and weaved these elaborate tales of how they can count on her for everything.”
This was a turning point in how Dodo understood this friendship: it was stuck and she felt stuck in it.

Deevshi clung to the hope that everything would go back to how it was. For a while, their friendship swung like a pendulum, 0 to 100, all attention or none. Deep down, Dodo knew this wasn’t okay.
But it’s never easy to let go, is it?
“I tried to talk to her, to figure out what even happened. I was ready to fix everything, no matter what. But she wasn’t interested. She called me up on Holi and broke all ties with me.”
And that was it. A friendship that once meant everything, suddenly washed away with Holi colours.

Experiencing such a friendship breakup also halted Dodo’s life, and isolation became her new companion, staying by her side for protection.
“I was convinced it was my fault, that something was wrong with me. The lack of closure made it even worse. Her words about my weight, complexion, and upbringing replayed in my head. I shut myself off, neglected my life, and cried endlessly. Living right next to her, everything reminded me of what I’d lost.”
Heer’s ghost was always looming around, reminding Dodo of all that she lost.

It took a long time to find her way out of the cave she had bound herself in, stumbling, falling, losing her route and restarting, but something Dodo said explains it best: “I started learning to enjoy my own company the most. You’re all you have at the end of the day. I started doing things alone, and truly appreciated it. This was a chance for me to know myself better and figure out what kind of relationships I want to create with others.”
Dodo wants to know people for who they are now, not who they were or the mistakes they made. Maybe the past can stay in the past at times?

Getting close to friends is still scary. A “best friend” is not a phrase in Dodo’s dictionary anymore; the past can haunt us at times.
“I’ve made close friends, and cultivated absolutely beautiful relationships, but the idea of labelling someone as my best friend is not something I can do anymore, and I don’t think I even want to. I’m scared of history repeating itself.”
Dodo tries to be the best friend she possibly can be to others, but being someone’s best friend isn’t in the picture.

What would you like to say to 2021 Dodo?
“You’ll figure it out, and it’ll be worth it”
“I feel like an azaad panchhi now. I can be myself.”

As the interview ends, Sanya “You seem like a very good friend to yourself” and maybe we all need to be a better friend to our own self somewhere.